??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize