He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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