but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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