Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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