As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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