You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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