dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize