Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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