Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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