Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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