so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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