I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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