Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize