she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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