nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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