paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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