new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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