i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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