Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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