'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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