okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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