i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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