She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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