Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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