No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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