Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize