How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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