someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize