Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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