i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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