woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize