Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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