maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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