I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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