im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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