can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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