I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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