I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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