I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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