What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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