So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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