remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize