i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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