I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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