i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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