not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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