Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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