Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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