i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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