she smelled like a LAN party
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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